Processing death, it's part of life. Part of my story:

So I have been grieving immensely for my father, because I have started Dad’s Daisies, because the injustice of his death has put me on a mission to raise awareness and save lives.. I have not spent as much time as I have needed to process the grieving of my mother.

I went to visit their graves for the first time this past Saturday. We have not yet done the headstones, my brother and I. For the moment, their graves have temporary markers with their names, dates of birth and death. But my mother’s marker was not there, it was gone completely, nowhere nearby, nowhere to be found. Walking up to the site and not seeing it set me in a panic. I couldn’t find her, I felt she wasn’t there and my heart broke in two. The longing for her that I needed to process arose in my soul and I screamed at the top of my lungs “SHE IS NOT HERE, AAAAHHH”

Suddenly there was my friend Tonya, who had come to accompany me on this day, only a few minutes behind my arrival. She held me tight and said “It’s ok, no she’s not there anymore, It’s just a shell, the marker doesn’t mean anything, she’s not here anymore, just a shell, it's just a shell, she doesn't need it, it's ok.” The truth of her not being here anymore hit me hard again.

And so faced with this grief I had to process it. I had to remember holding her again as my friend now held me, experience the longing for my mom and the pain of her loss. God has a way of making sure we get what we need. I needed to remember to process my mother’s death, I needed to spend time walking through the emotions of losing her… so God made sure to put a trigger in my path and a friend by my side. You can't get through it without going through the process.

My deepest gratitude my friend, Tonya Reyes. I love you so much. We stayed for 3 or 4 hours I'm not sure, but you stayed as long as I needed you. Conversations, important thoughts for us both, and peeing in the woods. Not good times, but important times I shall never forget.

#griefofmother #kabbalah #livingkabbalah #kabbalahongrief